A Druid's Leavings

Pagan Once Again

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 04:15:10 GMT

Well.

Gods. I've started this post three times now.

I can't say when I began to really loose faith in the universe. I've often wondered really if the gods were real, and if they were, why was my life so often awful? I think the final straw was loosing both my mom and my grandfather within a few weeks of each other. That was two years ago. I was deathly afraid at that point I'd loose my wife too.

It was a hard time.

Somewhere through that period I could no longer logically resolve why bad things happened to good people. I couldn't grasp how Gods who looked at us as their own kin, their own children, could at the same time allow abuse, disease, and madness, not to mention the various major and minor disasters that happen daily, to take those children's lives and happiness. If, I finally concluded, there was any deity at all that god was a callous bastard that had earned only scorn for his disregard of his children. I could no longer believe, and had to close my eyes and my mind to spiritual matters. After all, with no Gods, to what point could there be a soul? What made us more than animate mud? I read the arguments of atheism, and found them to have a sound rationalism in a world that I could no longer see as sane.

For my part, this required a lot of ignoring things that I knew to be true. I knew, for example, that I had been drawn to the occult very early in my life, for reasons I only partially understood. I knew that I was at least middling gifted with divination, and at least middling gifted with a handful of other extrasenory skills that I now chose to deliberately ignore because they were 'irrational'.

(As an aside, I find it ironic that atheists will often point to the evidence of the senses or the lack thereof to fuel the thesis that there is no spiritual side of nature, then dismiss any evidence that doesn't coincide with their own.)

Lately, I've been finding that evidence harder to ignore. Moreover, I have found it easier to logically reconcile the problem of bad things happening to good people than I have the problem of how the universe might have come from nothing to start itself (which will be the subject of a separate post). Finally, I've lately been reminded of a oath I took some many years ago that, quite frankly, I've lived up to only sporadically at best. It's time I did a better job of it.

Too, part of the truth in the face of the world is in fact the truth against oneself when it is appropriate. I've done some things as a Pagan, and more particularly in the name of being a "Pagan Leader" that were stupid and/or uncalled for. This is my blanket apology - if I have wronged you, I'm sorry. I've been a fool most of my life, but I've at least come to realize it, and think I may finally be fixing it.

Elsewise, I'm still working out how to fulfill that oath in the best way. I'm trusting that the Gods will, in their time, give me the opportunity.

Returning

Sat, 11 Mar 2006 19:37:22 GMT

For a great variety of reasons, I've left this journal fallow for some time now.

No more. I'm back.

I'll have a longer post later tonight.

The line I'd like to use in email today.

Thu, 05 May 2005 19:45:55 GMT

"I'd love to phrase this in yet another way for you, but I don't speak idiot."

Grumble.

And part 2

Wed, 04 May 2005 02:10:46 GMT

Just to be silly

Check out my new icon, part 1

Wed, 04 May 2005 02:10:22 GMT

This was done at HeroMachine 2.

Security = Freedom (?)

Tue, 03 May 2005 13:30:31 GMT

This is insane.

Thanks, Congress. Without your invertibrate posturing, we'd never have such liberty.

Bealtaine Shona!

Mon, 02 May 2005 01:26:54 GMT

I hope everyone has had a fine Bealtaine!

Beannacht!

I'll make a longer update tomorrow.

A thought on Unseen Forces

Fri, 29 Apr 2005 16:50:34 GMT

Here's a stumper.

You all know I am a firm believer in the laws of science and the somewhat orderly and natural progression of life, the universe, and everything. What has piqued my attention this morning was a thought that I had on the so-called "dark energy" that seems to be acting counter to the force of gravity in the universe to push the objects in the universe farther and farther apart. A few seconds of research on the topic also brought up a couple of interesting articles on "dark matter".

So here's my thought: the same scientists who decry "magic" and "superstition", who belittle astrology, religion, psionic theories, et al, as being unprovable and undectectable by any known means, are forced to rely for their explanations of how the universe works upon invisible matter and energy, which they cannot detect by any known means. It seems to me that there is a bit of irony here.

I'm not really looking for an answer here, but I thought it an interesting and perhaps amusing observation.

A New Icon

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 18:45:27 GMT

I was inspired by an M&M's bag...

Beware Darth Peanut!

A Quick Update

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 16:41:12 GMT

I probably won't have time to do this tonight, so I'm making a quick update now.

We now have 9 tomato plants, and everything but the oregano has at least one sprout. I think it's probably too cool yet for the oregano to do anything outdoors, and I hope the past weekend didn't kill it completely. I'm going to put out the first of the garden vegetables next week, when hopefully it will stay consistently warm.

I finished the outline for the book last night, and will start on the first chapter tonight. Chapter one is pretty much a run of the mill historical overview of the Gaels, so it should go pretty quickly.

A couple of my friends are dealing with emotional issues right now. My thoughts are with you, and if you need anything I can do, please don't hesitate to call.

A few thoughts and a PUF before bed

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 00:31:41 GMT

It was a good weekend, if a little chilly.

I did a fair bit of meditating over the weekend, coming to terms with some issues that have been hanging over my head for a while, and I've emerged with a much clearer sense of who I want to be and I need to do. I also spent time with friends and family, and thoroughly enjoyed myself with them. It was wonderful to see DeeDee and the kids, who drove up from Florida for the event (and the reminder of why to move to a better climate). It was also wonderful to once more spend time with Swain, who's company and conversation I greatly enjoy.

I didn't come back from PUF completely drained as I have in years past, in part because I was a hair more realistic about the amount of sleep I need than I have been in prior years, and in part because of my improved fitness level. When we got home I got the van unloaded, and started into a great deal of laundry that had been neglected in the week before.

I intend to start work on the Ar mBealach book this week. I'm already outlining in my head; I'm thinking that rather than the strict chapter format I've been looking at before I'm going to use a question and answer format, and then organize the chapters around particular topics.

Tonight, though, the tired bug has bitten, and I'll be off to bed after getting my clothes erady for tomorrow.

From tn_lark

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 15:46:25 GMT

You scored as One Intelectual Individual. You're a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, scalpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don't understand. People are attracted to that, but there's a good chance you don't care.

</td>

One Intelectual Individual

75%

Earth-Child

63%

Not a Hippie

50%

Original Hippie

38%

New Age Hippie

25%

Pothead

What type of hippie are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Amber Alert

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:21:57 GMT

From NewsChannel 5

AMBER ALERT: Police Search For Missing Kentucky Girl

An Amber alert has been initiated by the Monroe County Sheriff's Department, which reports a 16-year-old Tompkinsville girl has been kidnapped.

The girl's name is Janet Betanzos Quijano.

The Amber Alert said the victim is white, 4-feet-11-inches tall and weighs 85 pounds. She was wearing a red sweater with green squares and blue jeans.

The sheriff's report said she was abducted by five Hispanic males in a red minivan or SUV while waiting for a school bus this morning.

Police said they believe she's in "imminent danger."

Tompkinsville is 70 miles northeast of Nashville.

Anyone with information about this abduction should call their local 911 center or 1-877-AMBER-17.

I will choose a path that's clear...

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 00:10:15 GMT

You scored as Existentialism. Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”

“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”

--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”

--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

</td>

Existentialism

90%

Strong Egoism

85%

Hedonism

65%

Kantianism

65%

Justice (Fairness)

50%

Utilitarianism

40%

Divine Command

40%

Nihilism

15%

Apathy

15%

What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

If you need me, I'll be behind this tree....

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 22:57:31 GMT

Ranger
You scored 37 Holy, 52 Tactful, 67 Natural, and 30 Arcane!

Hmm, you've got the skills, nobody can deny that. You're a hard nut to
crack in a fight, you can hound an enemy like no other, you have a
connection to the wilderness that borders on supernatural, and the
animals back home love you. Don't be fooled by LOTR though, you are not
a natural leader. In fact, you're probably a bit of a recluse, and you
are reasonably rash. You gave up understanding why humans treat each
other so needlessly bad a long time ago, and have just decided to do
what you can for the defenseless of us by savaging the people that harm
what you love. If everyone were like you this world would be a great
place... but since it's not, better get back to hunting evildoers...
with uncanny intensity.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 37% on Godliness
You scored higher than 53% on Tact
You scored higher than 58% on Harmony
You scored higher than 16% on Arcane

Link: The Which D & D Class am I Test written by effataigus on Ok Cupid

As soon as you realize I'm in charge, we'll get along just fine

Fri, 25 Mar 2005 04:10:33 GMT

You scored as zeus. you are king of all gods and goddesses

</td>

zeus

92%

herra

75%

Nyx

75%

poseidon

67%

apollo

67%

athena

67%

hermes

58%

aeolus

50%

artemis

50%

hephaestus

42%

eos

42%

aphrodite

33%

ares

33%

Hades

33%

which greek god or goddess are you
created with QuizFarm.com

For AmazonMel

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 20:02:48 GMT

http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0409457/

OK, so I did it too

Wed, 23 Mar 2005 14:37:24 GMT

I'm not even going to pretend this shocks me -

</td><td valign="top">You are a geek. Good for you! Considering the endless complexity of the universe, as well as whatever discipline you happen to be most interested in, you'll never be bored as long as you have a good book store, a net connection, and thousands of dollars worth of expensive equipment. Assuming you're a technical geek, you'll be able to afford it, too. If you're not a technical geek, you're geek enough to mate with a technical geek and thereby get the needed dough. Dating tip: Don't date a geek of the same persuasion as you. You'll constantly try to out-geek the other.</td></tr>

You are 55% geek

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

A Shameful Day

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 16:42:39 GMT

It is a sad day for our nation.

The 109th Congress has determined that it has legitimate authority not only to override the legal action of the judicial system, but to intervene and interfere in the private life of a specific indivdual.

What this means is that not a single one of us is safe. If some situation in your life or mine draws enough attention, the Congress now can take action to pick out your name and situation, and make a law aimed at altering your specific life.

Not one of us safe, not anymore.

What the hell has happened to this nation?

RIP Andre Norton

Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:43:36 GMT

http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/books/03/17/obit.norton.ap/index.html

Hmmm Indeed

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 21:05:39 GMT

You scored as Zoroastrian Pagan. The Zoroastrian Pagan is a rare breed who follows the teachings of Zoroaster, the religious reformer. He believed that there were no gods, and it was naive to put faith in them and give them names. What one should focus on is merely serving one side of the cosmic duality; work on good or light deeds, and the world would become more good or light. Pagans of this variety are rare, but often feel like they get more done without the hassle and clutter of pantheons and gods. They're smart, analytical, and occationally cynical.

</td>

Zoroastrian Pagan

70%

Norse Pantheonic Pagan (Asatru)

65%

Eastern Pagan

50%

Shamanic Pagan

40%

Kabbalistic Pagan

35%

Ecclectic Pagan

30%

Celtic Pantheonic Pagan

25%

Roman Pantheonic Pagan

10%

Egyptian Pantheonic Pagan

10%

Greek Pantheonic Pagan

Catholic (Pagan?)

Sumerian, Babylonian, and Mesopotamian Pagans

What kind of Pagan are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

How odd. I'll have to look into this further.

My new old journal

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 01:17:18 GMT

Starting now, most of my writing is going to be in my other journal, mbhubbard.

In part because of the encouragement I've received here, I'm embarking on a career as a writer; specifically, a science fiction writer.

I'll still be posting some here, but mostly on more personal topics that I just want friends to see. So this journal is also going to become friends-only sometime tomorrow.

See you on the flip side!

Music Meme Thing

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 20:27:39 GMT

Ok, Shiroken, this is your fault...

1. Total amount of music files on your computer?
2194

2. The last cd you bought was...
U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?
Dream Theater - Funeral for A Friend/Love Lies Bleeding

4. Write down five songs you often listen to or mean a lot to you.

Rush - Anthem
Queensryche - I am I
Mary Chapin Carter - Goodnight America
Nick Drake - Poor Boy
Kansas - People of the South Wind

5. What new music are you really excited for in the coming year so far?

Collaboration with a great composer on my own stuff...
Besides that, I'm really liking a band called Ones and Zeros, and I'm getting into House and Ambient.

6. What 5 people are you going to pass this baton to and why?

Hiretsukan - Cause he's even more into unusual music than me

And almost everyone else I know has done this....

Born Today

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 00:45:34 GMT

Look at the stars tonight in honor of Sir Patrick Moore, astronomer and composer.

Quotes of the Day

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 14:59:52 GMT

Toleration is the acceptance of something or someone you know is wrong. Tolerate nothing and no one. - Ayn Rand

The only way to co-exist with a Nietzschean is to never forget that you are attempting to co-exist with a Nietzschean. - Keith Hamilton Cobb

He who despises himself nevertheless esteems himself as a self-despiser.-Friedrich Nietzsche.

To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity.-Friedrich Nietzsche.

'It is destiny' - phrase of the weak human heart! 'It is destiny' - dark apology for every error! The strong and virtuous admit no destiny. - Edward Bulwer-Lytton