Well.

Gods. I've started this post three times now.

I can't say when I began to really loose faith in the universe. I've often wondered really if the gods were real, and if they were, why was my life so often awful? I think the final straw was loosing both my mom and my grandfather within a few weeks of each other. That was two years ago. I was deathly afraid at that point I'd loose my wife too.

It was a hard time.

Somewhere through that period I could no longer logically resolve why bad things happened to good people. I couldn't grasp how Gods who looked at us as their own kin, their own children, could at the same time allow abuse, disease, and madness, not to mention the various major and minor disasters that happen daily, to take those children's lives and happiness. If, I finally concluded, there was any deity at all that god was a callous bastard that had earned only scorn for his disregard of his children. I could no longer believe, and had to close my eyes and my mind to spiritual matters. After all, with no Gods, to what point could there be a soul? What made us more than animate mud? I read the arguments of atheism, and found them to have a sound rationalism in a world that I could no longer see as sane.

For my part, this required a lot of ignoring things that I knew to be true. I knew, for example, that I had been drawn to the occult very early in my life, for reasons I only partially understood. I knew that I was at least middling gifted with divination, and at least middling gifted with a handful of other extrasenory skills that I now chose to deliberately ignore because they were 'irrational'.

(As an aside, I find it ironic that atheists will often point to the evidence of the senses or the lack thereof to fuel the thesis that there is no spiritual side of nature, then dismiss any evidence that doesn't coincide with their own.)

Lately, I've been finding that evidence harder to ignore. Moreover, I have found it easier to logically reconcile the problem of bad things happening to good people than I have the problem of how the universe might have come from nothing to start itself (which will be the subject of a separate post). Finally, I've lately been reminded of a oath I took some many years ago that, quite frankly, I've lived up to only sporadically at best. It's time I did a better job of it.

Too, part of the truth in the face of the world is in fact the truth against oneself when it is appropriate. I've done some things as a Pagan, and more particularly in the name of being a "Pagan Leader" that were stupid and/or uncalled for. This is my blanket apology - if I have wronged you, I'm sorry. I've been a fool most of my life, but I've at least come to realize it, and think I may finally be fixing it.

Elsewise, I'm still working out how to fulfill that oath in the best way. I'm trusting that the Gods will, in their time, give me the opportunity.

For a great variety of reasons, I've left this journal fallow for some time now.

No more. I'm back.

I'll have a longer post later tonight.

"I'd love to phrase this in yet another way for you, but I don't speak idiot."

Grumble.

Just to be silly

This was done at HeroMachine 2.

This is insane.

Thanks, Congress. Without your invertibrate posturing, we'd never have such liberty.

I hope everyone has had a fine Bealtaine!

Beannacht!


I'll make a longer update tomorrow.

Here's a stumper.

You all know I am a firm believer in the laws of science and the somewhat orderly and natural progression of life, the universe, and everything. What has piqued my attention this morning was a thought that I had on the so-called "dark energy" that seems to be acting counter to the force of gravity in the universe to push the objects in the universe farther and farther apart. A few seconds of research on the topic also brought up a couple of interesting articles on "dark matter".

So here's my thought: the same scientists who decry "magic" and "superstition", who belittle astrology, religion, psionic theories, et al, as being unprovable and undectectable by any known means, are forced to rely for their explanations of how the universe works upon invisible matter and energy, which they cannot detect by any known means. It seems to me that there is a bit of irony here.

I'm not really looking for an answer here, but I thought it an interesting and perhaps amusing observation.

I was inspired by an M&M's bag...

Beware Darth Peanut!

I probably won't have time to do this tonight, so I'm making a quick update now.

We now have 9 tomato plants, and everything but the oregano has at least one sprout. I think it's probably too cool yet for the oregano to do anything outdoors, and I hope the past weekend didn't kill it completely. I'm going to put out the first of the garden vegetables next week, when hopefully it will stay consistently warm.

I finished the outline for the book last night, and will start on the first chapter tonight. Chapter one is pretty much a run of the mill historical overview of the Gaels, so it should go pretty quickly.

A couple of my friends are dealing with emotional issues right now. My thoughts are with you, and if you need anything I can do, please don't hesitate to call.